Wednesday, January 6, 2010

my 34th year

So I haven't been 34 very long, just over a couple of months, and I already feel like it's going to be a momentous year.
I had my son just before I turned 34, went through some major PPD, and I am finally feeling normal again.
Here is the kicker, I feel like I have to get up and go now. By this I mean, GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. My hours at work aren't working for my family life anymore. I want to go to school. I want to be in a better financial position. I want this all now. Normally I am a compulsive person, but I can't do that anymore. I have to learn to rein myself in. This is very hard to do, but I have to because A-life isn't letting me impulsive, and B-I have to do what's right by my family, not what's right by me.
So very, hard and very frustrating. I feel stuck, and I hate that feeling, I also hate that I keep having that feeling.
Clearly I need to call my therapist. My poor friend Audrey had to listen to me go on and on yesterday during her lunch hour. Not only did I take up her lunch hour, I have had this conversation with her for most of our adult life, (we have known each other since we were 10).
Anyway, I need to pray more, make lists, and enjoy the ride.....

1 comment:

  1. Sweetie, I feel your pain. It's like the adult Cole just slapped you and said "Okay! Time to grow up! RIGHT NOW." Suddenly, you feel like you need to freak out and fix everything.

    We should start a support group...
    xo

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